It is amazing the way we are drawn to things we know are bad for us.
For example today I bought junk food. I know that its expensive and I cannot really afford it and I certainly don't need it. I have also wasted time playing games when I know I have better and more important things to do. Perhaps the most potent example is now. I am writing this impart because I have, at times, thought it would be cool to write a blog but mostly because I know I should go to bed and this is a great way to procrastinate.
Tomorrow I will be poorer, fatter, farther behind and more tired.
Yet when faced with each decision I feel compelled to do what is worse for me.
I wonder if it is merely the short term indulgance winning out over the long term gains. Perhaps it is. Sometime I seems like more than that though. I've been through the loop enough times to know that the short term gains are often false. That generally after doing something I thing I shouldn't have I will feel terrible and that the attaction and glitter of whatever it is I am being inticed towards is false.
I still get sucked in almost everytime.
Id like to blame it on some evil force so I dont feel so bad and it isnt my fault.
Unfortunately one of the things I have come to realise is that while we dont choose our circumstance we are still entirely responsible for our actions. In every case I choose what I do. Even if it were life and death it would still be my choice. So that means have no scape goat. I can not blame what I have done on anyone else. It means when im tired tomorrow I will only be able to blame myself.
I guess it also means that before I get too depressed about it I should probably go to bed.
nite.
